Davisha & Alvin

My name is Davisha and I was born in 1991 to a single mom.  I have three older brothers and overall we lived a life of contentment as my family was close and did many things together. We played sports, video games, shopped, walked, talked and grew up loving each other. But things don’t always go as planned in life, there are many highs and also low’s, especially when we get too comfortable and don’t pay attention. I got way too comfortable and as I tell this story, I want you to know that I love my family and friends more than they could ever imagine.   

When I gave birth to my first-born son, he was my heart, my soul, my everything. He was my parent’s first grandson and my grandparent’s first great grandson. The first of many just like me, and a curious little boy, which was very difficult for a first-time mother. I was so happy to be alive even though I was struggling to keep a healthy lifestyle the two of us. However, I was able to get a new car and the first place by myself, with no roommate.  I was as surprised as anyone at how wonderful my life was becoming and what I was able to do.  Soon enough however, things were getting more and more difficult and I desperately needed help to care for him so that I could work.  It’s painful to discuss the biggest mistake I’ve ever made as I am ashamed and having to pay the ultimate price for leaving my son alone while trusting a friend who was to sit and was only “minutes away.”  She never arrived.  When my son went outside thank God someone called for help, but it meant he was taken from me and is no longer in my care. I will never forget when the judge slammed the gavel in the court announcing his decision … I was lost and could not believe what I was hearing.

 I cannot imagine that being burned alive would hurt worse than the pain I bought on myself.  I wanted to blame everyone that I felt could have helped me during the difficult days leading up to that terrible event.  I believed they had betrayed me. When I realized I had betrayed myself, I disassociated myself from all those I knew, even those that loved me. I even threw all my son’s stuff away trying to get what I done out of my head!  It was just too much knowing I may never see my son again because of  my choices and actions. I was furious at my family for turning their backs on me and not helping in the first place and I was going to turn my back on all of them.

I started numbing myself, to my surroundings and everything that me and my son had known, with alcohol when I could get it, along with weed and edibles. I desperately needed sleep and to feel happy again. None of that helped make anything better, my heart was hopelessly broken and suicide began to look appealing like a bowl full of rich, luscious chocolate.  One night I was ready to end my life.  I got in the car crying and planning to drive off the closest bridge.  I don’t know how, but in that moment I found my son’s school picture in the car; the last picture I had not thrown away in my despair, the picture I thought I had lost at his school. God did that for me and it snapped me back to reality.  That’s how it is with Him, He will be there when we most need Him.